WHERE THERE’S SMOKE, THERE’S FIRE

A good relationship with your neighbour may take much effort and very often requires many years to build. It definitely does help to exercise a little thoughtfulness to ensure that the effort you have invested in such relationship does not go up in smoke.

Kian Seng had for a long while been upset with the cigarette smoke that regularly made its way to his balcony from the neighbouring unit occupied by Ryan. Every night, Ryan will hang out at his balcony for about 30 minutes just to smoke. To Ryan, that helped him wind down after a hard day’s work. However, he didn’t realise that the smoke drifting over to Kian Seng’s balcony had caused this neighbour much dismay. Kian Seng was concerned about the harmful effects of the smoke on his family’s and his own health, in particular, his young daughter who was asthmatic. He felt that they had become victims of second hand smoke caused by Ryan’s inconsiderate action.

As it turned out, the two neighbours had never even exchanged a single greeting before – it was only in the mediation room that they spoke to each other for the first time! In fact, as they started talking and voicing their concerns and views on the issue, the mediators were able to uncover the key issue that was blurred by all that smoke and causing the problem to be blown out of hand. When that was accomplished, an amicable settlement was actually possible despite both parties being seemingly uncompromising at first.

From the onset, Ryan portrayed himself to be a very difficult person, stating firmly that everyone was entitled to their freedom and no one had the right to stop him from smoking on his balcony if he wanted to. However, this was actually a front put up by Ryan and his retaliation for Kian Seng’s approach to the issue. It was learned that Ryan was in fact annoyed by Kian Seng’s melodramatic reaction to the issue, where he had lodged various complaints to the HDB and Town Council. In Ryan’s view, this was a trivial issue and Kian Seng could have simply knock on his door and talked things over with him. Ryan was also frustrated that Kian Seng’s action had given him “black marks” on his otherwise clean record with the authorities.

After breaking down this front that Ryan had put up, the mediators further worked together with the two neighbours to develop their empathy for each other’s situation so as to form a common understanding between them. Finally, a mutual agreement was reached where Ryan was willing to reduce such smoking sessions to three days a week on the balcony and Kian Seng would also refrain from going to the balcony the same days. The two were also agreeable to working on their relationship, promising to approach each other directly on such issues should they wish to discuss any changes to their arrangement in future.

As in many disputes concerning cigarette smoke like this one, a conflict was unnecessarily fired up between the two parties. While each may have their standpoint on the issue, a solution can still be reached when both parties are willing to take a step back and empathise with each other’s situation.

[Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals whose stories are portrayed in this article.]