THERE’S NO TEA, HOW ABOUT ORANGES?

The need for respect and dignity is often at the centre of many disputes. When such a need is successfully addressed, achieving a resolution is not difficult.

Eng Tuan, a “karang guni” man, had been good friends with Chew Siang, who runs a food stall at a nearby market. Their long running friendship, however, became threatened when Eng Tuan began placing a chair to reserve a parking spot for his truck in front of his block. Chew Siang, who lives in the same block, drives a car and sometimes find it hard to get a parking lot.

One day, when Eng Tuan was at the car park, Chew Siang came running to him, demanding that he stopped his habit of using a chair to “chope” the parking lot. Eng Tuan simply jeered at him, and in the ensuing quarrel, fell to the ground when Chew Siang gave him a big shove. While he did not appear injured, Eng Tuan still went to the polyclinic and chalked up a medical bill amounting to $120.

At the mediation, Eng Tuan demanded that not only did he want $120 to cover his medical expenses, he expected Chew Siang to compensate him with another $8,000 and serve up a cup of tea as a gesture of apology. Chew Siang, though acknowledging that his actions had been rash, was only willing to say sorry and pay for Eng Tuan’s medical expenses.

As the discussion went on with both parties to come up with a possible solution to their dispute, it became obvious that Eng Tuan did not want a simple apology from his friend, but one which required Chew Siang to serve up a cup of tea. Such a gesture is deemed as a great loss of face for Chew Siang and had he done so, would imply that he had “admitted defeat”. Naturally, Chew Siang strongly disagreed.

It took the mediators some patience and much effort before a compromise was reached between the two parties.

There was no tea to be served to bring the unhappy matter to an end. Instead, Chew Siang offered two oranges to Eng Tuan, something he was quite happy to do. To Chew Siang, such a gesture would not cause him to lose face, as the oranges were symbols not so much an apology but an expression of his well wishes for Eng Tuan. As for Eng Tuan, he felt that the gesture would in itself have humbled the rash and disrespectful Chew Siang, and thus was glad to let the matter rest.

When a storm arises in a teacup, there may be many ways to help restore calm. However, whichever avenue one pursues, paying attention to detail and narrowing the differences between the conflicting parties can help bring forward a happy ending with or without a cup of tea.

[Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals whose stories are portrayed in this article.]