HELP! YOUR SINGING IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE

Mediation is a process that requires all participants to weigh all the options generated before deciding on what appears to be a sound and reasonable solution to them. However, there may sometimes be challenging situations in which both parties, for their own reasons, may not be capable of making such an assessment. In such cases, more leeway should be given towards the parties to allow them more time to reach a resolution in their dispute.

Hup San had never enjoyed his neighbour Jimmy’s singing. To him, Jimmy’s nightly karaoke sessions only disturbed his peace. The problem got to the point where both were fighting so hard over this issue that their dispute had to be referred for mediation. Despite Jimmy lowering the volume of his karaoke after that, Hup San revisited him to complain about exactly the same issue a few months later.

Another round of mediation soon took place. This time, instead of Jimmy’s singing, it was the obnoxious behaviour of Jimmy’s family members that infuriated Hup San. He was in particular disturbed by their mischievous eldest son, Tim, claiming that Tim always slammed their door and metal gate at him. He also claimed that Jimmy’s family had harassed and threatened him due to his complaining about their karaoke previously.

To Jimmy, it was simply Hup San who was the problematic one. He claimed that after their previous conflict, he had already taken the trouble to lower his volume whenever he was singing. And with this new case that Hup San had raised, he suspected that the poor man was hallucinating as he was certain no one in his family had ever slammed their door at him.

As the session went on, Hup San revealed that he was having some behavioural issues, but which was aggravated by Jimmy’s family’s behaviour and actions towards him. This allowed the mediator to gradually uncover the actual cause of their conflict. Patiently drawing information out of Hup San himself, they soon discovered that he had been under treatment for a psychological problem.

While Jimmy’s household could have been a little rowdy at times, there was every likelihood that it was Hup San’s condition that had magnified the problem for him to such an extent that he could tolerate it no longer. There was hence the need for extra sensitivity to handle the issue, with the mediator having to ensure that any attempt to secure a settlement would be balanced by the need to keep Hup San’s dignity intact. This case was indeed successfully resolved, but only with the help of an understanding and empathetic neighbour like Jimmy. Upon learning of Hup San’s condition, Jimmy was willing to beat a retreat, assuring Hup San that he would try his best to take all measures necessary to prevent causing any further disturbance.

Perhaps, Jimmy was telling the truth when he claimed that his family had never been one to make trouble for any neighbour. However, his willingess to be the bigger man between the two, knowing of his neighbour’s unfortunate condition, is one good example of the kind of gracious person everyone should aspire to be.

[Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals whose stories are portrayed in this article.]