FATHER AND SON – UPGRADED VERSION!

Mediation is usually seen as a way to resolve disputes and settle differences. However, in some cases, mediation can be transformative, changing people to become better than they used to be.

Soon Fatt was relaxing and watching TV in his room one day when his 17-year old son Leonard suddenly barged in and switched off both the light and TV set. Furious with his son’s actions, Soon Fatt confronted him in the kitchen. In response, Leonard picked up a bottle and threatened to hit his own dad with it. In the commotion, Soon Fatt was pushed by Leonard and fell, hitting his head against the table as he went down. That unfortunate fall caused Soon Fatt a bruised left arm and five stitches on his forehead.

The enraged Soon Fatt was adamant that his son should be put into jail for physically hurting him. This vengeful thought was apparently still with him when he came in for the mediation. Neither father nor son took one single look at each other, speaking only through the mediator when they needed to. It was obvious that they had to be taken into private meetings if things were to go further.

It was during the meetings that the mediator discovered that Soon Fatt was upset about Leonard’s behaviour as he felt there was no respect shown to him as a father. Not only did he not get the respect that he deserved, his son’s violent behaviour towards him further infuriated him. For Leonard, he revealed that none of his family members respected his dad, who was jobless and doing nothing for the family.

When it comes to family disputes, which are often intense and highly emotional, counselling skills could be useful during mediation. In this case, the mediators’ assistance to counsel and guide father and son to see the issue from the other party’s perspective was helpful towards getting a resolution. When that was achieved, Soon Fatt was better able to appreciate the fact that if his son, who is only a student, is going to have a jail record, it would certainly look bad and affect his future. Leonard, who was already regretting his impulsive behaviour, was reminded of the fact that Soon Fatt is his father after all and was only asking for respect.

This case concluded with Leonard apologising to his dad for his impulsive action. He also promised to be a good son and student if his dad could give him a second chance. Soon Fatt, who ultimately cared for his son, no longer wished to pursue the case. The incident also served to make this father reflect on his own position at home and reminded him that he could do something about winning back his family’s respect.

People can change. It may not necessarily take a mediator to bring out the better side in a person, but he can help you reflect on your actions and behaviour to create a better you.

[Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals whose stories are portrayed in this article.]